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Blind Spots

8/21/2014

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Blind Spot: "Being blinded or uninformed about a matter in life;  to be in the dark"
Scotoma, from the Greek word for darkness.

Everyone has blind spots in life. And they can strike in any direction. Looking back to the past, our blind spots can be due to an inability to take responsibility for mistakes we've made or pain we've caused. Without acknowledging those truths, it's nearly impossible to fully learn what we need to from our pasts. 


Blind spots can also come up alongside us. When we can't see the help available to us by those people or circumstances that exist in the present, either out of pride or insecurity, we are unable to draw others in and function through effective teamwork. Other blind spots at our sides can be caused by workplace competition, family struggles, financial hardships, and more. Anything that limits or eliminates forward motion can be considered a blind spot because it keeps us from seeing progress.

But it's the blind spots in front of us that can cause the most trouble. Fear is the biggest hurdle we have to overcome when looking into the future. The fear of missing an opportunity, of making a big mistake, of being wrong--when faced with those things, it's often easiest and safest to do nothing.


“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. 

The worst thing you can do is nothing." 
Theodore Roosevelt
But blind means, well, blind. If you can't see it, how do you know it's there?
It's true that a blind spot isn't first identified until it causes a problem. When looking in a side-view mirror, you may not know you have a problem until there's an accident or until another vehicle shows up out of nowhere. But once it's identified as a trouble spot, then you make the necessary adjustments to avoid any mishaps it might cause. 


The same thing is true in life. Once you explore your past, present, and future, and identify the areas that have and will cause you the most trouble, you can make the adjustments you need to make to overcome those weakness. 

For example, if you know that insecurity is something that chases you, you can fix it. Maybe you do something that makes you feel confident before entering a job interview. Or maybe you talk with someone about the crippling doubts you have about yourself. Or maybe you move forward in faith anyway because you've decided not to let something like that hold you back. 


Here are four tips that will help you move beyond the limitations caused by blind spots in your life:

Identifiy Known Blind Spots
Everyone has blind spots. Do you know what your blind spots are? Often, it requires a trusted friend, professional counselor, or member of your personal Board of Directors to help you discover areas in your life that you may not be able to clearly see. (I've written more about this in a previous post, Connecting the Dots, 1.13.14 and in my book, The Difference Maker) NOTE: It helps to understand that a blind spot is only a weakness if it is unknown. Knowing your blind spot is a strengh.

Be on Guard
Having experienced driving for the first time years ago and more recently through the eyes of my kids, I can speak from firsthand experiences...accidents happen QUICKLY. It is vital that we constantly check known blind spots. The moment you stop checking...BANG!

Check What You Know
Being uninformed about any subject creates a lack of confidence, which leads to major blind spots.  In an age of complete information saturation it is possible to become knowledge lazy when it comes to important information in your life. Relying on internet headlines for knowledge can create challenges. Do you really know what you know or only what you've been told? If you truly know, then a deep conviction leads to confidence...which produces courage. It is from this courage that your ability to become truly vulnerable comes from.


Embrace vulnerability
Being connected in a meaningful way requires vulnerability. As I type that word I know people are tensing up inside. The word itself has some baggage attached to the meaning. Many hear the word and translate it as weakness. What I have said on this topic before is this, " Courage is not the lack of fear but our ability to face our fear with vulnerability." Being vulnerable is all about Courage! It manifest itself through our ability to share our story with others in an effort to help them with their blind spots. Vulnerablity is also the confidence to deal with what I know head on without excuses. Often we replace being vulnerable with the blaming of someone or some thing. The act of vulnerability begins with a personal choice to rise above your circumstance. To do that may require the help of others, personal or professional. I have said many times, "Two are better than one because there is a good return on their investment. Should one stumble the other is there to pick them up."   

The idea here is simple, minimizing the impact of being blind sided increases our effectivness in all areas of life. If we strive to live a purpose driven life then anything we do to maximize that purpose is beneficial. 

 Onward!
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The Drama Triangle

8/1/2014

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High School. The very thought of the words still strike fear in the hearts of many. The years we spend in this high-octane, drama-filled environment leave few without some type of emotion scarring. 


What is interesting about our high school years is how much of the drama permeates so many areas of our life as we grow older. From the home to the workplace, the drama of our earlier years follow us throughout life. And how we dealt with drama way back then, is definitely an indicator of how we'll handle it now.

Dr Steven Karpman created a model to help explain the drama that we encounter in our life. It is often referred to as the Karpman Triangle but most know the model as the Drama Triangle. Understanding the workings of this model helps us deal with dysfunctional dynamics.

It is important to note that when the drama triangle is complete, all three sides present and engaged, the drama will always be active. It is only when you break the triangle you break free of the grips of the dysfunctional situation.

First, we must cast the roles in our dramatic plays. When drama occurs, quickly identify the three main actors. 

  • The Victim or Martyr
  • The Persecutor or Offender
  • The Rescuer or Enabler

For any dramatic play to continue all three actors must stay fully engaged in the drama or it will disintegrate. To see what I mean, think back over the most dramatic time in your recent history. Let's say, for example, there was a blow-up at work and someone got blamed for a mistake that was really someone else's fault. 


Who was the victim? The person who got blamed.
Who was the persecutor? The person who let the victim take the fall.
Who was the rescuer? Anyone who is defending the truth.

To break free of the triangle you must first understand what role you may be playing in the drama. This takes honest self-exploration and a willingness to be wrong if that's the truth.

Once you've honestly identified the part you're playing in the drama, Accountability is the key word. If I am going to use this word it must be defined correctly. Personal friends and Authors Tom Smith and Rogers Connors nailed the definition in their ground breaking book on accountability almost 25 years ago. In The Oz Principle, Getting Results Through Individual and Organizational Accountability, they define accountability as follows:

"A personal choice to rise above your circumstances and demonstrate the ownership necessary for deliver desired results."


Notice the key words
? At the end of the day breaking free begins with a personal choice. Your choice is simple, you can be a victim or a victor...you always have a choice.

Here are some simple thoughts to consider:

  • When the Victim take accountability to look for options of a way out.
  • When the Persecutor take accountability to negotiate a way to a win-win conclusion.
  • When the Rescuer take accountability for motivation.

Life will always present some kind of drama. You are either in it or watching it unfold. Get to close and it is easy to get sucked in. Arming yourself with self-awareness of how the drama triangle finds it's energy to continue gives you the power to not only defuse but to avoid the drama all together.

Oh what I would have given to understand this simple model in High School! Since there is no going back then look ahead and keep moving...

ONWARD!



photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net, by scottchan

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    Tony Bridwell is a Partner and Practice Leader for Partners In Leadership with nearly three decades of executive leadership experience. Most recently serving as the Chief People Officer of Brinker International, Tony is a highly recognized thought leader, speaker, and coach in corporate culture, L&D, and human resources, being named 2015 HR Executive of the Year and also receiving the 2015 Strategic Leadership Award .

    A native Oklahoman, Tony, who has three grown children, now resides in Dallas, Texas with his wife, Dee. In addition to being a husband and father, Tony is an active member of his church, where he serves as a Deacon and leadership mentor.

    Tony is the author of two books:
    The Difference Maker: A Simple Fable About Making A Difference In The Life Of Others (August 2013)
    The Kingmaker: A Leadership Story of Integrity and Purpose (June 2016)

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